Sunday, December 31, 2017

New Year wooooo

I'm very surprised we don't have hover boards by now but that's okay, anyway here's what I hope to achieve in 2018.

1:  Workout once a day, six days a week and eat better

2: Try out for my High School's Track team and make it.

3: Be more positive

4: Get a job and volunteer

5: Get my driver's license

I hope your 2018 is wonderful whoever is still reading this, cheers!


Wednesday, December 27, 2017


rolled over the wall and the window panels
bouncing off the curtains
landing on the ceiling

bumping into each other and growing ragged
twirled around my finger tips and traveling down my wrist
right down the top of my shoes
intertwined with my shoelaces

now they're wrapping around my waist and twisting tighter
traveling up my spine
pulling my shoulder blades together

its around my neck now
pulsating against my throat
wrapped around tightly

finishing off by twirling itself into a big red

Friday, November 24, 2017

you're no friend of mine

i keep waking up at one excepting a sunrise
instead of headlights bouncing off of bedroom blinds

i'm afraid i lost my only good quality last night
and it's stuck in my head again

you told me i looked good with
fingers riddles with paper cuts
covered up carelessly with silver rings
so that's all i wear anymore

soaking wet hair matted against my scalp
because you couldn't be bothered to dry it

another drop in the bucket
and the liquid runs deep
and it burns like lighter fluid when it hits my skin

heavy eyelids i just want to rip off
pick off my eyelashes one by one

i heard there's a chance at an afterlife
and here i am stuck between thoughts of them

you're no friend of mine
you're no friend of mine

Sunday, November 19, 2017

just a collection of poetry scraps

i'm afraid i lost my only good quality
last night

 i keep waking up at midnight expecting a sunrise
and i can't keep it up anymore

if i'm not back by morning bury me in mahogany

write me a message and slide it under my door 
i'll read had once or twice

before tuckong it underneath floorboards and behind closet walls
move a couple of the skeletons in the closet
hanging up winter clothes

and if i'm not back by morning bury me in mahogany
draped in robes of white
with red bleeding into the seams

chicken scratches etched on my hand
and rings made of stained copper covering up the mess

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

wow, this is a really bad poem

Cigarette day dreams fog my vision
overplayed scene from yesterday
puffed up in a cloud of suspicion

now the lilac reflection is burned in my mind
when i keep myself up at night
rain or shine

do you know ashes from ashes
and dust to dust
David bowie is rolling over in his grave
laid to rest with his rose tinted glasses

Ziggy stardust is a dead man walking
burned out like the best
but even the dead don't stop talking

please don't go, i love you so
i love you so
where am i gonna go my darling
please don't go

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

not a good sign

you don't have your head on straight
because you left it by the bed this morning

and indigo veins trace paper thin skin

hoping for better weather and shorter days
but you hate the weather
and the headlines

lost in a nonchalant smile
and a pocket of unnamed pills
laced with fever dreams

engulfed in red
but you're blue on the inside and it's creeping to the outside

battered knuckles, bloodied and  bruised
is the perfect color to match you other wounds

saying good morning to the dead
too busy counting shadows
to notice the sun went down an hour ago

poking bruises that showed up out of nowhere
sleeping with shoes on

these aren't good sign

Sunday, September 24, 2017

FIVE things i'm hoping to accomplish in october but the odds of that are slim to none BECAUSE I'M SUPER LAZY but i'm cool with that

1: BE A LOT MORE ORGANIZED WITH SCHOOL (and life but we're taking baby steps okie)

All my notes look like a blind rat wrote them and when you're taking a test it's pretty difficult, I just want readable notes that's literally all I want.


Pretty much all I wear is skinny jeans that are also baggy (I don't know why) and oversized t-shirts, which is cool but at seventeen I get mistaken for a Freshman so I should probably dress like I'm seventeen


I'm getting mistaken for a Freshman and also my brother.
Not a good combo.


Honestly just workout more in general but I really need to run a lot more, like a lot.


Having a pessimist point of view is a drag.

Saturday, September 16, 2017


another misguided ghost with a fist to the sky
screaming in outrage about the cards it has been dealt

a semi conscious mind hoping to sleep it off for another night
headlights bathing his room with sickly yellow hue
and that borderline personality flaw in their mind
keeps you waiting in the line
we just see a empty list of self confessed loses
left out in the sunlight
bleached and faded
you're rushing to the road just to run back inside
and in any way, shape or form
please let me know if you're grateful
because i honestly don't know
you wrote your apology with colored pencils and primary construction paper
that's just narcissistic behavior
hiding behind kitchen blinds
because you're too afraid to open them and
you're no help
you're no help
all i see is a loose fitting t-shirt hanging off your already too slim frame
and there you go
rushing towards that busy road

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Aesthetic #9

Night sky, purple, lights, outside, summer nights | Twitter, Pinterest & Instagram: @TrustVital

Troubles coming for the free, man
We shake from shaking with the free hand
So stand tall, shout out with me

aesthetic, aesthetics, purple, soft grunge, water, First Set on Favim ...

Do your dirty work without me
Say you're best when no one can see
Stand up, catch fire with me

Pinterest: @mackenziemainka ❌

This kid's not alright
This kid's not alright
This kid's not alright
But this kid's not alright P U R P L E. Aesthetic. Purple neon colours. Water.

I've been sleeping with these
I've been sleeping with these thoughts, man
I've been contemplating singing them

This sky is my aesthetic  (had a band concert tonight, it was my last one at middle school)

So stand up, catch fire with me

ThisKidsNotAlright by Awolnation

Thursday, July 27, 2017


held my hand
and broke all my fingers

stepped outside with me
ans crushed my favorite flowers

i fell asleep 
and you tore off the covers

stapled my posters on my wall
and ripped them down

painted me a picture
and lit it on fire

vicious won't leave me alone

i wish i wasn't so vicious

Wednesday, June 28, 2017


Hello. This is a public PSA, I have exactly no ideas. Thank you.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Dire Situations

I'm just here to establish a albi
because i was hoping for better days
but i guess it's just not in the cards tonight 

and my brain is in stage four of a dire situation
because i can't seem to wake up from myself 
but i can carry on my week 
just not very well

and i've talked and talked again
but nothing is really helping but i know i really don't like how i've been feeling 

i keep moving but can't seem to go anywhere 
and I'm blue on the inside and it's creeping to the outside 
And i'm happy when i'm mad and mad when i'm sad 

i just can't seem to get ahold of what's going on in my head 

Sunday, May 21, 2017

No place

I haven't posted anything at all this month, which is my fault of course but I haven't been able to write anything that I really like so here's just a little something half done.

Engulfed in reds and blues
twisted in perception and the jealousy of who knows who

the walls have eyes
and they don't like what they see

i've got crystals growing in my heart
and cobwebs in every corner of my body
taking up valuable space I really don't have

pieces that won't fit together anymore
and letters addressed to no one

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Dedicated to you

I wrote you a word
with my favorite blue pen
three words actually but i didn't start counting 
until that word turned into a sentence 
and that sentence turned into a paragraph 
and that paragraph turned into a letter
and that letter turned into a short story
and that short story turned into a seven hundred page novel
that i dedicated to you 
but unfortunately 
it was written with your least favorite shade
of blue

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Same voice different place

Its a three way conversation in my head but I don't know who to listen to first

and I feel selfish for turning them off and on

But sometimes the rattling of these old bones gets annoying 
and ever since those cobwebs took up residency it gets pretty lonely

So I pick at the stitching on my sheets till the thread comes loose 
and I try to comfort myself in it but it's just string
wrapped around my finger like any other night

as strangers headlights bounce off the walls
painting shadows till they blend in
and I get tired of it

So I'll listen to the noise in my head for one more night 
and hope they come to an agreement 

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Another story

I was the undertakers paycheck this week 
I put the milk and eggs in his refrigerator 

my headstone was crafted by a strangers hand
With another Bukowski quote slapped on like an honor student bumper sticker

They picked out my coffin while I was away
In all honesty though, they picked the prettiest one
With crimson velvet and beautiful mahogany wood

Too bad I wouldn't know the difference between it and a cardboard box

They dug that hole
Not really caring if it was lopsided or exactly six feet deep 
Just as long as it would get the job done 

Then the preacher spoke the same words said at a funeral yesterday and the same ones he would say at another one tomorrow 

And lowered me to the ground 
Tousled and upheaved to hurry it up and tossed dirt on top of my casket to engulf that expensive wood

thank goodness it was over and I could leave

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Please listen

that is all

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Monday, March 13, 2017

Six word stories

⋆❈ - <a href="/DannieC123/" title="daniela ☪">@daniela ☪</a> - ❈⋆

Even anchors couldn't weigh her down

Aesthetic #8

Oh you know I did it

It's over and I feel fine
Nothing you could say is gonna change my mind

Waiting and I wait at the longest night
Nothing like the taste to sweet decline

|| credits: <a href="/penpen0078/" title="penny">@penny</a> take it off? you'll be seeing my face blurry like this hand, and seeing Jesus soon. that's all I gotta say.

I was down, I fell, I fell so fast
Dropping like the grains in an hourglass

Never say forever cause nothing last
Dancing with the thorns of my buried past

Nevermind there's nothing I can do
Bet your life there's something killing you

aesthetics, alternative, beautiful, blurry, grunge, hippie, indie, tumblr,

It's a shame we have to die my dear

No ones getting out of here, alive
This time


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Aesthetic #7

Muscle to muscle and toe to toe
The fear has gripped me but here I go

Don’t we touch each other just to prove we are still here? - Ocean Vuong:

My heart sinks as I jump up
Your hand grips hand as my eyes shut

⎾ ❝ Tᴏɴɪɢʜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴠɪᴄᴛᴏʀɪᴏᴜs, ᴄʜᴀᴍᴘᴀɢɴᴇ ᴘᴏᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴜs. ❞ ⏌:

Do you know where the wild things go?
They go along to take your honey, la, la, la

paint this on a wall:

Break down, now sleep
Build up breakfast, now let's eat
My love my love, love, love

- ̗̀  @bagmilk   ̖́-:

She bruises, coughs, she splutters pistol shots
Hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks

GOLDEN BLOOD TUMBLR - Pesquisa Google:

She's morphine, queen of my vaccine
My love, my love, love, love, la, la, la

Thursday, February 2, 2017

White flags

i want to be listened to
but i don't even know
the commotion inside my brain

and obscure words
form at the tip of my tongue
but never make it past my teeth

so white flags are waving
by 10 pm
gripped in my hands as i sleep

the walls have ears
and doors are eyes
so many of us tell little white lies
soaked in the crimson color of regret
as it gets easier with each and every time

down in the chorus
screams their voices
trying to drown everyone out

head held higher
times are getting dire
with each and every sun rise

keep your head above water
quickly floating towards the storm
getting heavier with each and every turn

trembling hands never made great fighters
head held higher
as it gets quieter

quickly moving towards the chorus
quickly leaving the storm
quickly hearing their voices get hoarse

leaving little white flags hoisted

Patterson Maker:


Sunday, January 22, 2017

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Slytherin Aesthetic

You need a little bit of insanity to do great things- Henry Rollins

Gryffindor Aesthetic

“It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien

Hufflepuff Aesthetic

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow." 

Ravenclaw Aesthetic

Because I'm a freakin' nerd.

Wisdom begins in wonder- Socrates

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Beetle Juice

you get so worked up before you go to sleep
and who wouldn't after that display
maybe shouldn't have drank that third cup of coffee
or that benadryl that makes your heart beat a little too fast
a little too quick

a little too late

but trust me, those thoughts are okay
once you get used to them
you should see how many i get a day
twelve before ten a.m
on a Tuesday

doesn't bother me a bit

beetle juice
beetle juice
beetle juice

i guess those aren't ghost i'm hearing

Macabre Art:

Aesthetic #6

                                                                 You have set your heart

                                                         On haunting me forever

                                                     From the start
It's never silent

                                                                                             Ever since we met

                                                                          I only shoot up with your perfume

                                                                                             It's the only thing
That makes me feel as good as you do

pinterest - ❥@britttanym12❥:

Ever since we met

I've got just one regret to live through

And that one regret is you

A burial spot and joining bk w/ the Earth-which will later be incinerated and then, there we ALL are bk with the cycle of the Universe joining directly in the stars oal.:

How does a heart love, if no one has noticed its presence

And where does it go?

The Ancient Serpent:

Trembling hands play my heart like a drum

But the beat's gotten lost in the show

After the time: Ita convierte a S, y para los demás S murió, su corazón dejó de latir y sus pulmones se detuvieron, aunque tenía algunos reflejos nerviosos, pero el doctor dijo: es más común de lo que cree, señor. -al policia que investigaba. S era sano y muy joven para morir. Durante la madrugada, después del lluvioso entierro de S, con la neblina inundando el cementerio, había un hombre esperando con una lampara y de la tumba de S salió cubierto de tierra tras haber luchado por salir.:

                                                                                     Panic! At the Disco- Nearly Witches

Monday, January 16, 2017

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A talk with death

i talked to death for the first time in months
wasn't looking too well
new bags underneath his eyes
and his clothes seemed a little worn out

our words seemed forced
like friend who hadn't seen each other for awhile
but i soon warmed up
he told me he missed me
and how i use to always try and meet him

i haven't felt like that for awhile
i confessed
i got better
i explained

and i'm happy you did
he told me
because our meetings always happened too soon
too fast
the timing was always wrong

i was just trying to do my job
but i couldn't carry out the task
he tried to say
not when you were like that

I have to breathe : Photo:

Saturday, January 14, 2017

10 resolutions for 2017

1: Workout more daily, hopefully achieve a better body by summer. I'm nowhere near over weight, but it would be nice just to tone up.

2: Write more. I completely stopped writing for awhile just because I got bored but now I'm back at it again.

3: Learn to chill. I'm a stresser, I stress so much that it's probably not healthy so I would like to stop.

4: Volunteer more.

5: Eat clean, I eat a lot of junk food because I have zero concern for my well being

6: Try new things and take risk.

7: Be the best at everything I do. I'm a very competitive person, there's no other reason for this.

8: Do not care about what other people say or think about me because in the end we're all going to die anyway.

9: Journal more, I'm a forgetful person and I just suck at writing down my life

10: Learn a new language.

For more fitness motivation: in-pursuit-of-fitnessFor healthy...

Thursday, January 12, 2017


nothing good happens at 3 am
those self reliant thoughts shoot out of my head and head for the exit
as soon as my head hits the pillow

the lights are on but nobody's home
and they haven't been home for quite awhile

but i'm okay
i've only measured the closet one today
and practiced tying that rope twice this hour

at this time the only thing that keeps me company is my thoughts
and they're not very good guest

i've bought a bullet where there should've been a necklace
and i tried to drown my voice in that pool out back
but it just gets carried away

and i wanna get better
but i don't wanna let go
maybe at 4am