i shaved my head

i shaved my hair right down to the roots
because my body felt dirty no matter how many showers i took
no matter how hot the water was
no matter how hard i scrubbed

my skin crawled every time i took a step
itchy and rough to the touch

i shaved my head right down to the scalp
because my being felt used
no matter how much i slept
no matter how the day went about

my body ached every time i took a breath
empty and raw every time i felt my chest rise and fall

i shaved my head right down to the skin
because my eyes filled every time i looked in the mirror
no matter how i felt
no matter how much i wanted to like what i saw

my mind hurt every time i examined myself in the reflection
unforgiving and distraught

i shaved my head
because i was told it would make me feel absolutely empowered
instead i felt small and vulnerable

i shaved my head and it didn't fix any of my problems

Lilac and Blue

Battered knuckles, bloodied and bruised

an artist's palette of a heavenly mixture of lilac and blue 

fly towards your face and graze your lips 

leaving butterfly kisses 

as they open a brand new wound

already the perfect color to match all the other patch work
on your skin

AESTHETIC

Please don't cry
For the ghost and the storm outside
Will not invade this sacred shrine
Nor infiltrate your mind
My life down I shall lie
If the bogey-man should try

To play tricks on your sacred mind
To tease, torment, and tantalize
Wavering shadows loom
A piano plays in an empty room
There'll be blood on the cleaver tonight
And when darkness's lifts and the room is bright




I'll still be by your side
For you are all that matters
And I'll love you to till the day I die



There never need be longing in your eyes
As long as the hand that rocks the cradle is mine

-The Hand That Rocks The Cradle- The Smiths